この英訳あってますか？(どっちが伝わりやすいんですか？) I am ( ) I live in Ak...

minnie3200さん

この英訳あってますか？(どっちが伝わりやすいんですか？)

I am ( ) I live in Akita, and I will be a junior high student in April.
In June, last year, while on a school trip, I saw Dralion and you, Mr.( )

and I was very amazed, touched, and I cried.
I felt that everybody from the show was working hard for the team, acting very well, to make the show an amazing one.
I did not have a dream of the former future.
Seeing DRALION, it is impressed and "joining CIRQUE DU SOLEIL and doing the show of DRALION" is a dream now.
In order to realize a dream, I want to do my best.
Mr.( ) , you are really cool, and I love you. Can I please have your autograph?
Please take care of yourself and be well. I love and admire you.
thank you very much. Ｉ love you

My name is ().
I live in Akita.
I'll enter junior high school in April.
our school's excursion in June of last year, I saw DRALION.
I sew Mr.() in June of last year when.
I was very impressed by Mr. ()'s performance.
It was impressed by the show too much when the show was seen, and it shed tears.
I could felt your sincere attitude toward daily show
and I thought, "Human being is really wonderful".
Mr.() is cool.
I did not have a dream of the former future.
Seeing DRALION, it is impressed and "joining CIRQUE DU SOLEIL and doing the show of DRALION" is a dream now.
In order to realize a dream, I want to do my best.
I love Mr.()!is real
Please write your sign on this drawing paper.
Be sure to take good care and keep up of yourself.
I love you.

・自分は（）で、秋田に住んでいる。
・4月から中学生で、去年の6月の修学旅行でＤＲＡＬＩＯＮを見てＭｒ（）に会った。
・パフォーマンスにすごく感動して、涙が出てきた。
・毎日チームワークを大切にしてショーを続けていることがわかった。そして、「人間は本当に素晴らしい」と思った。
・Ｍｒ（）はかっこいいです。
・私は今まで将来の夢を見なかったが、今は「シルク・ドゥ・ソレイユに入ってドラリオンをやるのが夢」夢を実現させるためにがんばります。
・もしよければ画用紙にサインを書いてください。
・体に気をつけてこれからもがんばってください。

ということを英訳したのですが、この2つのうち、どちらがアメリカ人に伝わりやすいですか？
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