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英作文の添削をしていただけないでしょうか? 「群馬の魅力」というテーマで英作...

tet********さん

2011/1/410:12:06

英作文の添削をしていただけないでしょうか?
「群馬の魅力」というテーマで英作文を書きました。
今回はその冒頭部分です。日本語での作文は書かずに、頭に浮かんだ日本語をそのまま英語にしました。

英文法が苦手な私が書いた文章です。いろいろとおかしな点があると思いますが、どうか、添削よろしくお願い致します。


I am born and raised in Gunma Prefecture. My youth was surrounded by the richness and beauty of the nature and the heartwarming people, and this made me a proud residence of Gunma and I was a full of love for Gunma. And I was very happy that I could spread the name of Gunma by won the first prize in the national meeting sponsored by Future Farmers of Japan.

I am thinking that I want to stay in foreign country after graduating from senior high school. And then I would like to make lots of new friends there and inform them about the appealing point of my hometown Gunma. So I asked myself ‘What is the appeal of Gunma for me?’ But I’ve realized that I don’t know much about Gunma as I expect and it made me feel not only pitiful but also frustrated.

For that reason, I took this opportunity, I decided to write introductory essay of Gunma.

『「Gunma Prefecture, shaped like a crane in flight.」It is one of 44 phrases that are contained in Jomo Karuta.(Jomo Kruta is a variety of karuta which features history and famous location in Gunma Prefecture) As stated in this phrase, Gunma Prefecture is similar to the shape of crane in flight. And besides, in Gunma Prefecture has so many famous places and foods.

For example, Kusatsu Onsen. It is one of the most renowned hot springs. If you never taken a Kusatsu hot spring bath,I encourage you to take a Kusatsu hot spring bath. I am hoping that taking a hot spring bath may give your peace of mind.

Next is Oze Marshland. Oze also provides habitats for a great variety of wildlife, such as large mammals, birds and insects. And, you can watch so many kinds of rare animal and plant which is academically important. For that reason many hikers visit here every year. I am sure that you will receive impression seeing the magnificent scenery that nature created!

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muc********さん

編集あり2011/1/413:13:00

>I am born and raised in Gunma Prefecture. My youth was surrounded by the richness and beauty of the nature and the heartwarming people, and this made me a proud residence of Gunma and I was a full of love for Gunma. And I was very happy that I could spread the name of Gunma by won the first prize in the national meeting sponsored by Future Farmers of Japan.

I was born and have been raised in Gunma Prefecture. , In my youth, I was surrounded by rich and beautiful nature and heartwarming people. This makes me proud of living in Gunma and I am filled with love of my native place. I am also very happy that I spread the name of Gunma by winning the first prize in a national meeting sponsored by Future Farmers of Japan.


>I am thinking that I want to stay in foreign country after graduating from senior high school. And then I would like to make lots of new friends there and inform them about the appealing point of my hometown Gunma. So I asked myself ‘What is the appeal of Gunma for me?’ But I’ve realized that I don’t know much about Gunma as I expect and it made me feel not only pitiful but also frustrated. For that reason, I took this opportunity, I decided to write introductory essay of Gunma.

I am now thinking of staying in a foreign country after I graduate from high school. I would like to make lots of new friends there and tell them how nice my homeland Gunma is. But when I tried to find out what Gunma is attracting me with, I realized that I didn't know about Gunma as much as I had thought. That made me not only pity myself but also frustrated. So, I have decided to write an essay to enhance my knowledge about Gumma and introduce the place.


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質問した人からのコメント

2011/1/11 12:54:43

降参 mucy_mucy_ucymさん、回答していただいて本当にありがとうございました。とても助かりました。ありがとうございます。

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