TOEFLのWritingについて全体の書き方についてアドバイスがありましたら教えて下さい。(表現に使い回しが多い、もう少し客観的な文にすべきなど) 単語数は284、アプリによる文法ミス検出件数20件です。 「親切になる事で近年問題化している会話力の低下を改善でき、テストの点をあげる事につながり、精神病の予防や犯罪率の改善にも影響を及ぼす」と書きたかったです。 Many people discuss how should be young children and infants. In my opinion, kindness is the most important part of their mentals. To begin with, being kind gives us countless opportunities of communication. By letting them help other people since their childhood period, we can make our offspring more and more sociable. And their association will surely improve their speaking skills, conducing their well-organized thoughts, beliefes, and political convictions. For instance, my former friend Ken said, after he helped his parent frequently, his conversations increased. To date, the dropping conversations and communication skills have been becoming a problem. An article said that “the application software that enables us to communicate each other without any voices have been losing our chances of communications, and infact, we have been becoming tend to be mad.” Farthermore, even from the standpoint of scores and achievements in school and universities, this featcher is very strong advantage. Their character of kindness will lead them to teaching other students, making them to become smarter. Since any type of high scores of exams result in their self-conviction, being kind helps them helps them to associate with other excellent pupils. And then, they become more enthusiastic. More to the point, the kindness of children is conducive to lowered crime rates. Being kind to other people prevents us from become mentally sick. The article I have seen said “By giving our hands of help, we can make our mental more sane than the case we don’t”. This means helping others induce more shining expressions and make us energized. From these standpoints about our intelligence and mental, we can say kindness have the most important effect on our grouth. And generally, the influence is positive.
英語
